Nicky — whatever I have done to you and the others, I haven't done yet. [ He thinks to say, 'Please don't leave me alone' but instead, he pauses.
And then: ] But if you would rather not see me, I understand that too.
[ It hurts something hollow within him to say those words, thinking of their more-than-a-year apart and how much he'd been wanting to see the family again.
But perhaps he is a danger to them. In any case, apparently he will be. What did Copley have to offer him? Why would he take that deal? ]
[ nicky takes a breath, shallow, and then another one, more deliberate, slower. ]
No, you have not done it yet. But it has happened for us and —we will need time. Joe and I.
[ he doesn't doubt that there is forgiveness to be found. joe has the biggest heart of anyone nicky knows, joe has found it in him to forgive nicky, and nicky —nicky knows about doing terrible things that can be explained but not excused. there is forgiveness to be found, but not while it is so fresh for them, so recent. ]
I — [ It seems strange to apologize for something he hasn't even done, something he can't conceive of doing — and yet being afraid that there must be something that could convince him to do just that. (Because he has, hasn't he? In Nicky's present, he has.)
Booker isn't stupid. And he isn't impervious to giving in to his temptations; he is a man, after all, and not always a particularly strong-willed one either.
So he nods instead, takes a step back. ] Of course.
[ for a long moment, there is nothing, before nicky nods to himself and manages to acknowledge that for this booker, who has not yet betrayed them, that is a concession. a kindness toward them. ]
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no subject
Oui. It's Andy.
[ He breathes out now. ]
Nicky — whatever I have done to you and the others, I haven't done yet. [ He thinks to say, 'Please don't leave me alone' but instead, he pauses.
And then: ] But if you would rather not see me, I understand that too.
[ It hurts something hollow within him to say those words, thinking of their more-than-a-year apart and how much he'd been wanting to see the family again.
But perhaps he is a danger to them. In any case, apparently he will be. What did Copley have to offer him? Why would he take that deal? ]
no subject
No, you have not done it yet. But it has happened for us and —we will need time. Joe and I.
[ he doesn't doubt that there is forgiveness to be found. joe has the biggest heart of anyone nicky knows, joe has found it in him to forgive nicky, and nicky —nicky knows about doing terrible things that can be explained but not excused. there is forgiveness to be found, but not while it is so fresh for them, so recent. ]
no subject
Booker isn't stupid. And he isn't impervious to giving in to his temptations; he is a man, after all, and not always a particularly strong-willed one either.
So he nods instead, takes a step back. ] Of course.
You know where to find me if you need me.
no subject
Thank you.