[ Booker grunts into his coffee, feeling the after-effects of a night of ... not-so-light drinking hitting him much harder than it ever used to. This is what he wanted, isn't it? To no longer be immortal? To feel what everyone else feels, to have some end in all of this suffering? (Well, he's not sure he believes in the latter anymore, not when their circumstances have drastically changed, but it's too late for that now.) He'd forgotten all of the other little things that came with it, the physical aches and pains, the consequence of a lack sleep without the handy 'reset' button, the lasting effects of a hangover ... oof.
He takes a sip of his coffee now, languishing in its bitterness and praying that it works to perk him up a little bit. Mon dieu, this is good shit. ]
This is hardly a vacation, the way we've been living here.
[ At least the whole family is present, though. He's trying his best not to take that for granted anymore. He'd spent only a few months, give or take, in exile on his own, and knowing he wouldn't see any of them for another 99 years β it was a truly lonely existence.
In addition, no one's made any further moves to break his nose, so that's always a fun bonus.
When he meets Andy's eyes over the rim of his cup, he raises an eyebrow, amusement settling into the rest of his features. ] Ah, were you? I know the mod market is always willing to sell something new. Ass implants though β that's an interesting choice.
Well, I've already got something in my head so why not go for the top and the bottom.
( she holds his gaze for a few seconds before she rolls her eyes and reaches for her mug, keeping her eyes on booker as she drinks.
truth be told, she's still pretty pissed about the thing in her head and what sort of things it might lead to. she can't feel it and if she didn't know any better, she wouldn't even think it was there.
[ Booker speaks like he knows a thing or two about it; he doesn't. He's never been very good at it, usually throwing in his chips to one side or the other.
All in.
He puts his coffee down, looking thoughtful (and, okay, still tired), almost too serious for what he says next. ]
But of course. You always did have a joli derrière. [ A beat, his mouth quirking. ] Very respectfully speaking.
[ He's 100% ready for his own ass to be kicked now. ]
[ And look, admitting that you've maybe looked at your boss-and-friend's ass must come with politeness. Especially when said boss-and-friend knows thousands of years' worth of ways to kill a man. ]
Perhaps it won't matter with all the implant choices.
You should work on that. It's not like either of us have a job.
( she hasn't even thought about getting one despite the need for money. she's never really had to have an actual normal job before and she doesn't think 'formerly immortal warrior' is going to qualify her for much. )
You thinking of getting one?
( she'll leave talk of their asses for another time. he can just content himself with knowing she's looked at his a time or two. )
[ Ass implants or any other kind. His hand goes up automatically to the back of his scalp where he can still feel the raised skin from being cut into. It hasn't healed the way it should, and whatever is stuck inside his head, is still β well β in there.
He will not be getting any further implants, now or any other time. ]
But I am in full support if whatever you decide to do. I will even hold your hand if you need it.
( she doesn't mention how the empathy bond could make that difficult because she doesn't want to think about that whole thing right now. )
I might take you up on that. ( since she thinks she's going to want to do something to fill her time. ) If you're not going to work, you have any idea of what you will do?
[ In the event of an unwarranted emotional overshare, Booker is well prepared for that. Or β well, he will be, once he can get his hands on a pair of gloves. It's not going to be ideal in these hot and sweltering months, but there is a lot he's willing to do for Andy. Maybe now more than ever.
But also, maybe don't get implants in your butt, Andy. ]
I don't know yet. [ Comes his reply to her second question. He looks thoughtful over his coffee and shrugs lightly. ] Working could provide us with an opportunity to learn more about the way this world works, but we have very ... specific skills. Then again, perhaps it won't be so hard to bag groceries for a few months.
( she'd do what she wanted with her ass, booker. )
I guess putting 'immortal warrior' on a resume is eye catching but won't open up any real leads for work.
( she sighs and crosses her arms, fingers tapping lightly against the cup. he's right in that finding employment would possibly give them an inside look at how certain companies worked but she also thinks he's right in that it could just lead to bagging groceries.
and she's not sure how helpful that would be. )
Come on, let's go for a walk. Let's see what we can find in this city that's not off limits or something.
Mm β you're probably right. Especially when the 'immortal' part might not apply to us anymore.
[ The thought still smarts, sinking somewhere low in his gut with the guilt of getting exactly what he'd wanted in the end, but at the cost of β what? Everything?
In any case, he won't be putting down 'immortal' anything for the next little while.
Booker is quick to finish the rest of his coffee before Andy suggests they head out. He sets his cup down, pushes his seat back, and gets to his feet without protest, ready to follow. ]
As predicted Booker does follow, keeping his pace alongside her while simultaneously trying to will the dull ache at the base of his skull away. Being mortal and hungover is truly a reason to loathe the day, but coffee helps. Water would probably help too, but what are insignificant things like healthy habits to someone who has never cared for them to begin with? ]
It's going. [ Which is maybe being generous. ] Joe hasn't punched me since the day at the market, so that is something. Nicky β is Nicky. [ The disappointment and devastation in his reunion with Nicky felt like its own kind of punch, so all in all, it mostly helps to stay out of their way. ] And Nile β [ is perfect??? No, having Nile (and Andy) around keeps him from wanting to isolate himself from everyone, fall back into horrible habits. ] β perhaps I am unworthy of her kindness, but I will not turn it down.
( that's pretty much as she expected. joe and nicky have history to deal with, a betrayal that they thought would never happen because of how long they'd been together. and then it happened, leaving them both gutted and scarred and wondering if something like that might happen again.
they trust each other, they trust her but with booker's actions, it made each of them a little more wary, a little more cautious of who they trusted.
she sighs. )
Just don't piss Nile off. She's liable to stab you in the shoulder.
( just for the hell of it, just for fun. )
I don't know if Joe and Nicky will ever come around but...it means a lot that you're trying. To me, it does. Because not a lot of people would. They'd give up and just leave the connection severed.
[ A quick huff of laughter. Ah, yes. He remembers that phone call, feeling like it had happened another lifetime ago. ]
I will keep that in mind, especially as we're not healing the same way we used to.
[ Good ol' Nile.
Hearing the truth about Joe and Nicky stings, but Andy isn't wrong about that either. He had really hurt them all, took their unconditional love for him for granted, and threw it back in their faces. It was a miracle at all that Andy was so forthcoming to give him this chance. ]
It would be easier. [ Booker agrees. He could find a space in this strange city and hole up for however long it took before he died. But he finds he doesn't want that life anymore, no matter how much he knows he deserves it. ] But since when did we do anything easy, huh?
[ His smile is without much humour; almost sad. ]
All this β [ He tries again. ] β I'm being given a chance to do something differently.
[ And back home, with Andy's newfound mortality and a hundred years of exile, how could he ever prove himself to her before she died? That had hit him the worst, sent him spiraling into his deepest, reckless drinking.
He clears his throat. It's too early for this kind of emotional confrontation, perhaps. ]
( andy decides to chance the empathy bond when she reaches over and curves a hand around the back of his neck. she doesn't touch long, not wanting to be intrusive to whatever booker's feeling but she gives him a squeeze and then let's go. )
You're not the only one getting a chance to do something differently.
( she hasn't really done a lot of talking about herself and she doesn't know what she's going to say here but she continues to not want him to feel like he's alone in this. )
My immortality's gone. And not because of this place. Whenever we go back, it's going to be gone again. I'd planned on...just letting my life run out. I'm tired, Book.
[ It's brief enough, doesn't set off the empathy bond too badly, that Booker feels comforted by the touch. Grateful for it.
When she lets go, it's a noticeable emptiness that gets left behind, and for a moment Booker wonders how awful it would be if he just shifted to wrap his arms around Andy and hold her tightly, if sharing the empathy bond and all the haunted thoughts in his heart that follow would be worth it.
But he keeps his arms where they are, set on staying where he is. Frozen in place, actually, because Andy continues to speak. ]
'Letting my life run out' [ He repeats slowly, meeting her eyes and knowing the answer already, only because he knows her. ] What does that mean, exactly?
It means I'm tired, Booker. I've been tired for awhile.
( she shrugs and doesn't apologize for it. she'd felt the hollowness and emptiness for awhile and she hadn't been able to do anything about it. she'd been immortal and that was it. when that changed, when the immortality had gone, she'd had the mission and she'd had nile to look after. )
Don't tell me you've never thought something like that.
( she has to think all of them have at one point or another. )
[ It's said lightly, but the unsaid sentiment lies beneath the words β for too long, life has felt more like a curse than a gift for him. If he'd been granted mortality back home, Booker would gladly let his life run out, if he didn't run headlong into danger to end it sooner than that, even.
Of course, now that he does have it ... given everything that had happened, the path chosen has become a hell of a lot more complicated. ]
You've lived a very long life, Andy. [ Longer than even he can confirm, though he has his guesses. ] But even still β you've done so much good for the world. [ For their family. For him. ] You could still do it with what little time you have left.
[ He exhales a breath of laughter. ]
I know it sounds a bit funny β [ By which he means not funny at all; contradictory, more like. ] β coming from me.
( hearing that come from him, she laughs but it's not incredulous. she appreciates the sentiment and that his heart's in the right place but she doesn't know...what she believes about her life right now.
she sighs and slides her hands through what's left of her hair. she should be happy, she knows, because she has her team here all in one piece and that's a good thing.
they're all alive but she's still tired and she feels helpless because she can't lead in a situation that's completely unknown to her.
she swallows and shakes her head. )
I can't do anything here. I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to do.
I don't think any of us expect you to have all the answers, Andy.
[ It is strange, playing the support rather than the enabler. For someone who is so used to just sliding a bottle of wine or a glass of whiskey in commiseration, no other words needed, it's a new thing that Booker is trying. Getting out of his own head, consciously thinking of the needs of someone else, someone he cares very much about, it might take a bit of getting used to on all their parts. But he's trying. He told Andy he would. ]
And β [ A breath, because he isn't sure how true this is anymore, but: ] β we're a team. We'll approach this like we approach any mission. Gather the intel, figure out where we fit into this, proceed as needed. Together.
( what he says is...right. she knows it's right but he doesn't know if she can make herself believe it completely. she doesn't know if she can allow herself not to feel like an abject failure if she doesn't have the answers. )
I know.
( she nods, head falling forward to give herself a moment to breath, to get herself back together. )
I expect myself to have all the answers. I'm old, Booker, I've been through every possible situation you can name. But not this. I don't know this.
The universe clearly figured you needed one last surprise, another je ne sais quois.
[ Booker shrugs, watching her and wanting to reach out to give her shoulder a quick squeeze or something, but he doesn't like the empathy bond, doesn't like how it reveals all too much, makes them glow like a goddamned light show.
He sighs. ]
We explore first. [ Maybe get jobs, even. ] Drink next. [ Obviously. ] Answer the questions after. Huh?
( it's a good plan. she wants to have the answers to her questions first but she knows she has to be patient. this is one problem that's not going to be solved with an axe or brute force.
this is a whole new situation that's going to have to be looked at in a totally different way. )
Since when did you get so smart? ( smiling, andy reaches out and taps the side of his head. ) I thought you'd taken too many blows to the head for that to happen.
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He takes a sip of his coffee now, languishing in its bitterness and praying that it works to perk him up a little bit. Mon dieu, this is good shit. ]
This is hardly a vacation, the way we've been living here.
[ At least the whole family is present, though. He's trying his best not to take that for granted anymore. He'd spent only a few months, give or take, in exile on his own, and knowing he wouldn't see any of them for another 99 years β it was a truly lonely existence.
In addition, no one's made any further moves to break his nose, so that's always a fun bonus.
When he meets Andy's eyes over the rim of his cup, he raises an eyebrow, amusement settling into the rest of his features. ] Ah, were you? I know the mod market is always willing to sell something new. Ass implants though β that's an interesting choice.
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( she holds his gaze for a few seconds before she rolls her eyes and reaches for her mug, keeping her eyes on booker as she drinks.
truth be told, she's still pretty pissed about the thing in her head and what sort of things it might lead to. she can't feel it and if she didn't know any better, she wouldn't even think it was there.
but still. )
Think I have the ass for it?
( there's only one right answer here, booker. )
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[ Booker speaks like he knows a thing or two about it; he doesn't. He's never been very good at it, usually throwing in his chips to one side or the other.
All in.
He puts his coffee down, looking thoughtful (and, okay, still tired), almost too serious for what he says next. ]
But of course. You always did have a joli derrière. [ A beat, his mouth quirking. ] Very respectfully speaking.
[ He's 100% ready for his own ass to be kicked now. ]
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( andy can't not laugh at that because it's exactly something that booker would say. he's polite even while admitting that he's looked at her ass.
how cute. )
Yours isn't so bad either. ( of course she's looked. ) Little flat, though.
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I haven't exactly had time to work on it.
[ And look, admitting that you've maybe looked at your boss-and-friend's ass must come with politeness. Especially when said boss-and-friend knows thousands of years' worth of ways to kill a man. ]
Perhaps it won't matter with all the implant choices.
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( she hasn't even thought about getting one despite the need for money. she's never really had to have an actual normal job before and she doesn't think 'formerly immortal warrior' is going to qualify her for much. )
You thinking of getting one?
( she'll leave talk of their asses for another time. he can just content himself with knowing she's looked at his a time or two. )
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[ Ass implants or any other kind. His hand goes up automatically to the back of his scalp where he can still feel the raised skin from being cut into. It hasn't healed the way it should, and whatever is stuck inside his head, is still β well β in there.
He will not be getting any further implants, now or any other time. ]
But I am in full support if whatever you decide to do. I will even hold your hand if you need it.
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( she doesn't mention how the empathy bond could make that difficult because she doesn't want to think about that whole thing right now. )
I might take you up on that. ( since she thinks she's going to want to do something to fill her time. ) If you're not going to work, you have any idea of what you will do?
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[ In the event of an unwarranted emotional overshare, Booker is well prepared for that. Or β well, he will be, once he can get his hands on a pair of gloves. It's not going to be ideal in these hot and sweltering months, but there is a lot he's willing to do for Andy. Maybe now more than ever.
But also, maybe don't get implants in your butt, Andy. ]
I don't know yet. [ Comes his reply to her second question. He looks thoughtful over his coffee and shrugs lightly. ] Working could provide us with an opportunity to learn more about the way this world works, but we have very ... specific skills. Then again, perhaps it won't be so hard to bag groceries for a few months.
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I guess putting 'immortal warrior' on a resume is eye catching but won't open up any real leads for work.
( she sighs and crosses her arms, fingers tapping lightly against the cup. he's right in that finding employment would possibly give them an inside look at how certain companies worked but she also thinks he's right in that it could just lead to bagging groceries.
and she's not sure how helpful that would be. )
Come on, let's go for a walk. Let's see what we can find in this city that's not off limits or something.
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[ The thought still smarts, sinking somewhere low in his gut with the guilt of getting exactly what he'd wanted in the end, but at the cost of β what? Everything?
In any case, he won't be putting down 'immortal' anything for the next little while.
Booker is quick to finish the rest of his coffee before Andy suggests they head out. He sets his cup down, pushes his seat back, and gets to his feet without protest, ready to follow. ]
Who knows, we might even find some jobs.
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( don't give ideas here, booker, or she'd try and talk you into something ridiculous just for fun and to see if you'd follow through.
you were making your own bed.
with a sigh, she gets up and starts out, knowing he's going to follow. she doesn't say anything for a few moments while they're walking. )
How are things going with the others?
( time for a quick check in. )
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As predicted Booker does follow, keeping his pace alongside her while simultaneously trying to will the dull ache at the base of his skull away. Being mortal and hungover is truly a reason to loathe the day, but coffee helps. Water would probably help too, but what are insignificant things like healthy habits to someone who has never cared for them to begin with? ]
It's going. [ Which is maybe being generous. ] Joe hasn't punched me since the day at the market, so that is something. Nicky β is Nicky. [ The disappointment and devastation in his reunion with Nicky felt like its own kind of punch, so all in all, it mostly helps to stay out of their way. ] And Nile β [ is perfect??? No, having Nile (and Andy) around keeps him from wanting to isolate himself from everyone, fall back into horrible habits. ] β perhaps I am unworthy of her kindness, but I will not turn it down.
I know none of this is easy β for anyone.
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they trust each other, they trust her but with booker's actions, it made each of them a little more wary, a little more cautious of who they trusted.
she sighs. )
Just don't piss Nile off. She's liable to stab you in the shoulder.
( just for the hell of it, just for fun. )
I don't know if Joe and Nicky will ever come around but...it means a lot that you're trying. To me, it does. Because not a lot of people would. They'd give up and just leave the connection severed.
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I will keep that in mind, especially as we're not healing the same way we used to.
[ Good ol' Nile.
Hearing the truth about Joe and Nicky stings, but Andy isn't wrong about that either. He had really hurt them all, took their unconditional love for him for granted, and threw it back in their faces. It was a miracle at all that Andy was so forthcoming to give him this chance. ]
It would be easier. [ Booker agrees. He could find a space in this strange city and hole up for however long it took before he died. But he finds he doesn't want that life anymore, no matter how much he knows he deserves it. ] But since when did we do anything easy, huh?
[ His smile is without much humour; almost sad. ]
All this β [ He tries again. ] β I'm being given a chance to do something differently.
[ And back home, with Andy's newfound mortality and a hundred years of exile, how could he ever prove himself to her before she died? That had hit him the worst, sent him spiraling into his deepest, reckless drinking.
He clears his throat. It's too early for this kind of emotional confrontation, perhaps. ]
I don't plan to waste it on bagging groceries.
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You're not the only one getting a chance to do something differently.
( she hasn't really done a lot of talking about herself and she doesn't know what she's going to say here but she continues to not want him to feel like he's alone in this. )
My immortality's gone. And not because of this place. Whenever we go back, it's going to be gone again. I'd planned on...just letting my life run out. I'm tired, Book.
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When she lets go, it's a noticeable emptiness that gets left behind, and for a moment Booker wonders how awful it would be if he just shifted to wrap his arms around Andy and hold her tightly, if sharing the empathy bond and all the haunted thoughts in his heart that follow would be worth it.
But he keeps his arms where they are, set on staying where he is. Frozen in place, actually, because Andy continues to speak. ]
'Letting my life run out' [ He repeats slowly, meeting her eyes and knowing the answer already, only because he knows her. ] What does that mean, exactly?
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( she shrugs and doesn't apologize for it. she'd felt the hollowness and emptiness for awhile and she hadn't been able to do anything about it. she'd been immortal and that was it. when that changed, when the immortality had gone, she'd had the mission and she'd had nile to look after. )
Don't tell me you've never thought something like that.
( she has to think all of them have at one point or another. )
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[ It's said lightly, but the unsaid sentiment lies beneath the words β for too long, life has felt more like a curse than a gift for him. If he'd been granted mortality back home, Booker would gladly let his life run out, if he didn't run headlong into danger to end it sooner than that, even.
Of course, now that he does have it ... given everything that had happened, the path chosen has become a hell of a lot more complicated. ]
You've lived a very long life, Andy. [ Longer than even he can confirm, though he has his guesses. ] But even still β you've done so much good for the world. [ For their family. For him. ] You could still do it with what little time you have left.
[ He exhales a breath of laughter. ]
I know it sounds a bit funny β [ By which he means not funny at all; contradictory, more like. ] β coming from me.
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she sighs and slides her hands through what's left of her hair. she should be happy, she knows, because she has her team here all in one piece and that's a good thing.
they're all alive but she's still tired and she feels helpless because she can't lead in a situation that's completely unknown to her.
she swallows and shakes her head. )
I can't do anything here. I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to do.
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[ It is strange, playing the support rather than the enabler. For someone who is so used to just sliding a bottle of wine or a glass of whiskey in commiseration, no other words needed, it's a new thing that Booker is trying. Getting out of his own head, consciously thinking of the needs of someone else, someone he cares very much about, it might take a bit of getting used to on all their parts. But he's trying. He told Andy he would. ]
And β [ A breath, because he isn't sure how true this is anymore, but: ] β we're a team. We'll approach this like we approach any mission. Gather the intel, figure out where we fit into this, proceed as needed. Together.
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I know.
( she nods, head falling forward to give herself a moment to breath, to get herself back together. )
I expect myself to have all the answers. I'm old, Booker, I've been through every possible situation you can name. But not this. I don't know this.
( and it's throwing her. )
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[ Booker shrugs, watching her and wanting to reach out to give her shoulder a quick squeeze or something, but he doesn't like the empathy bond, doesn't like how it reveals all too much, makes them glow like a goddamned light show.
He sighs. ]
We explore first. [ Maybe get jobs, even. ] Drink next. [ Obviously. ] Answer the questions after. Huh?
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this is a whole new situation that's going to have to be looked at in a totally different way. )
Since when did you get so smart? ( smiling, andy reaches out and taps the side of his head. ) I thought you'd taken too many blows to the head for that to happen.
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Hey, I have my moments.
[ You know, even after all this time and all this depression. ]
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